An interesting challenge: Small, quiet, and cheap!

Question:
An interesting challenge: Small, quiet, and cheap!
I'm guessing I've sussed out and/or tried out just about everything there is and I'm really frustrated with the currently notebook marketplace. It's becoming clear that I'm an exceedingly picky user. I want it light, QUIET, cool, with a battery that lasts for days, and wi-fi range that will pick up signals in eastern Europe. Add to this that I want it cheap... and reliable. An extended warranty must be available from the manufacturer at a decent rate, and the company has to have a track record of sending back machines quickly, fixed well, and without hassle. At this point I've been shopping forever, tried several laptops, and it seems that no one makes my dream machine. But I'm posting this in the hopes that someone has a great unknown secret. :)
One interesting compromise for me is the new Acer 362x series, which is a 5.x-pounder. Even though it does not meet my criteria that closely, I can deal with compromises in build and a bit of excess weight as long as the thing is cheap and comes in under six pounds. But I'm seriously concerned about battery life, heat, and fan noise, widespread data about which is still forthcoming on this model, and I won't spring for it until I start hearing from real-world users who know what they're doing. If anybody knows of a *fanless* thin-and-light within my budget, or knows of one where the fan is basically dead silent and hardly comes on, I'd love to hear about it.
1) What is your budget?
Sub-$1300, prefer well under $1000, would consider used or refurb (with transferable and/or extendable warranty).
2) What size notebook would you prefer?
Ultraportable or thin and light, the smaller the better. Sub-5.5 pounds is absolute necessity. Sub-3 would be awesome, but I'm really not counting on it for my budget. (You'll shortly see that I should be looking straight down the barrel of a Toughbook, but I lost all faith in Panasonic products years ago and have absolutely no interest in dropping 2 grand on what is essentially a secondary machine, albeit one used frequently.)
3) What tasks will you be performing with the notebook?
90% web surfing, 10% random serious stuff (mostly music apps, but I am not a live-application laptop rocker). I save most serious work for my (multiple) desktops. I use a laptop for when I want to do light stuff and don't feel like sitting in a desk chair.
4) Will you be taking the notebook with you to different places or leaving it on your desk?
The thing will never stay put. It will be on my lap in bed, on the couch, at school, or being carried around the house on my arm most of the time.
5) Will you be playing games on it; if so, which games?
Absolutely not. Games are for consoles.
6) Are there any brands that you prefer or any you really don't like?
I would strongly prefer to stay away from Averatec (based on unpleasant past experience), Sony, HP, and, believe it or not, Fujitsu. Also, while the iBook ALMOST meets my needs for 90% of my applications on a laptop, I ultimately need Windows application access; anything else would just be an overpriced toy. (If they sold the iBook for $500, though, it'd be a toy I'd seriously consider. Apple might take the Intel move as a chance to lower their insane margins slowly-- and pigs could fly.)
7) How many hours of battery life do you need?
2.5-3 hours at the minimum with wi-fi on and screen brightness at medium. Cheaply available secondary batteries are a plus.
8) Do you mind buying online without seeing the notebook in person?
I can deal, but I'd prefer not to.
9) What country are you buying this in?
US.
Screen Specifics
10) From the choices below, what screen resolutions would you prefer?
Anything over XGA would be fine. Would *slightly* prefer widescreen, or just something slightly better than 1024x768. That said, while I like small fonts and the like and am not blind, I don't want 1400x1050 squeezed into an 8" space.
11) Do you want a glossy/reflective screen or a matte/non-glossy screen?
Prefer glossy. I find this works better for me in outdoor contexts, but if I can find a matte that looks good and is reasonably readable in non-direct sunlight, I'd be fine.
Build Quality and Design
12) Are the notebook's looks and stylishness important to you?
Not particularly. Build quality is much, much more important. Would prefer an all-aluminum chassis for heat dissipation as well as durability characteristics, NO PLASTIC on the bottom (or at least thick enough plastic that I don't feel it flex alarmingly while I'm carrying it around).
13) How long do you want this laptop to last?
At least 2 years.
Notebook Components
14) How much hard drive space do you want; 40GB to 120GB?
40GB is fine. Really, 20GB is fine. Again, serious work is for desktops. If I'm filling up even 20GB on the laptop drive, I'm just getting lazy.
15) Do you need a DVD, DVD-CD/RW or DVD-R drive?
I avoid laptop optical drives like the plague-- like plants, I seem to kill them just by coming near them. Basic CD-RW would be fine but not even necessary. If the unit has a drive bay, I like having a space saver so that I can just take the drive out and not touch it with my laptop-optical-killing hands until I decide to resell the laptop. Strangely, I beat the ever-living heck out of my desktop drives and they last for years. Go figure.
Answer:
Re: An interesting challenge: Small, quiet, and cheap!
You can probably get an ThinkPad x32 under $1300. They have the Dothan Pentium M which run cool and quiet.
Answer:
Re: An interesting challenge: Small, quiet, and cheap!
Ultraportables are awesome i own a 12" m5n. CHeck out the z33ae. Its not dual core. Asus w5f is dual but not customizeable. Asus z35f is dual 13.3" but not out ....yet
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